It’s the same exact story… so predictable that although I type I can barely suppress the yawn: girl splits with long-lasting lover, gets her tresses completed, shacks up with improper bloke while on the rebound and goes on an important purchasing binge. The latter (based on brand-new study) is actually seemingly almost certainly to occur in the luteal period of the girl (take a look away today, gentlemen!) cycle. Or as Mail could have it, the “spendthrift period of the month”, which can be around T minus 10 and counting.

Comparing a bunch of stray receipts using my own present luteal screen generally seems to backup these studies – seemingly we binged very bonkersly on extension leads and rawl plugs in B&Q after which became totally insensible in the vicinity of Sainsburys’ new spaghetti… but clearly the next exchange of an improper companion can occur any old time associated with month, God ready.

Naturally, when we split-up with a person i really do most of the overhead with very nearly metronomic persistence: explosion into tears and reach for the candy – tick; guide double-whammy colour ‘n’ reduce tresses consultation with Susan and Joel at John Frieda – tick; feel just like the proverbial million lira – tick; go out with outstanding girlfriend and drink too-much wine – tick; stumble across Mr Wrong – tick; assuage consequent thoughts of incipient decrepitude and utter worthlessness/celebrate status as omnipotent goddess at top of intimate whatever (delete as appropriate) by inserting it on the financial naysayers and heading to Selfridges/Hamleys/debtors’ jail (you should not delete).

At the same time, if you’re
Madonna
, that half-head of features might be a “goodness-doesn’t-she-look-well!” major face upgrade, the unsuitable hook-up may involve installing a 22-year-old male design called Hayzoos on one of the free flooring, while the shopping journey will probably add going to Africa by personal jet to grab another attractive orphan to choose that lovely one you’ve already got, but who’s all of a sudden searching quite 2007…

Would it be merely me personally or is Madonna quickly – and for the very first time inside her life – seeming completely out-of-step not simply because of the occasions, but her very own instances? Madge has never actually accomplished predictable, and in most cases in an extremely good – or at the least interesting – way, but everything that features happened to the lady previously season hits me personally as completely predictable, in essence a high-octane (dare one also whisper it?) menopausal mid-life situation.

Madonna’s marital breakdown had been some sort of “exactly how not to ever” crash-course for youths, successfully a “No Mum, please tell me you aren’t heading out dressed that way…” heads-up for this brand new strain of twentysomethings recognized in a Elle mag review; you know, the ones who don’t have any aim of sacrificing their own personal joy regarding the altar of job success, and who does most likely somewhat perish than get outdated like Madge.

This lot of enviably sensible-sounding young women seemingly nonetheless want to have the profession, the spouse, the youngsters and (this being Elle) presumably additionally the accessory from the period, nevertheless the difference in my rather deluded (but primarily simply fatigued) Attempting-To-Have-It-All-But-Really-Just-Cocking-It-All-Up-As-We-Go-Along generation and the one below is the fact that they are happy enough to be happy with having some of almost everything, as opposed to all of the available Alls going around. And then, having sampled existence’s dirty mezze, if every little thing quickly looks like going tits up they are going to most likely choose emotional protection over cup ceiling-busting, ball-breaking, finger-clicking, stiletto-snapping longevity of excellent financial self-reliance. Cuddles v Cash? Hmm, presuming we can’t actually have both for over maybe months at a time, this might be a recessionistas’ biggest-ever style crisis.

But these ladies additionally declare that flipping 30 is actually a concept that “fills all of them with dread”. Which is sad, actually it? I do not keep in mind experiencing dreadful within my 30th, that has been a dateless drunken meal in ny in the middle of glorious gay men in I found myself obtaining period of living. And although I’m able to very realise why it may not be everybody, or certainly anyone, otherwise’s idea of a life, on balance I’d however a great deal rather have my own than Madonna’s.

kathryn.flett@observer.co.uk